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No one wants to live in a box, and a presumed standard of straightness can be a straight jacket.īut in our historically queer capital and urban America generally, effeminate straight men like me are often presumed to be gay until proven otherwise. Straight women have to wonder if even the most masculine men aren’t into them. That is, we assume all men and women might not be so straight, or we remove our assumptions from the picture altogether. If the world at large is heteronormative - forcing queer people to contend with a culture that assumes that straight is normal - here in San Francisco, it might be fair to say that we’re somehwat homonormative.
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It didn’t help that this was my neighbor, a friend who had observed my comings and goings for months.įolks back home with suspicions about my sexuality weren’t surprised to hear that I was moving to San Francisco. “Wait, you’re straight?” she asked incredulously. For example, the most recent girl I kissed - and the one before that, and so on - drew back from my face, laughing. But I wasn’t alone in my assumptions, nor was I the last to make them. Sign up for The Bold Italic newsletter to get the best of the Bay Area in your inbox every week. At some point, I learned that these are stereotypically gay male traits, and then I knew: I was going to grow up to be a gay man. I was the first person to assume I was gay.Īs a kid, I talked with a lisp and hated sports, and I preferred to sing and study.